I was watching My Super Ex-Girlfriend alone in one of the cinemas of a popular shopping mall. There were very few people watching so I was surprised when I guy who I knew originally sat very far from me started transferring seats closer and closer to me. I didn't want to be assuming because he wasn't even in my row yet so I didn't do anything. Then in a blink of an eye he was next to me and I was just about to stand up when he brushed his arm against mine. YUCK!! I wasn't feeling well at the time, and had no strength for a fight. [Besides, he could've knocked me out cold and I could have ended up much worse.] So all I did was quickly leave my seat and get out of the freaking cinema. By the way, the guy looked like a "decent" and rich guy from his attire. 

Is this the first time this sort of harrassment has ever happened to me? Nope. Back when there were no special train cars for women, I didn't have a choice but to squeeze myself into whichever car had some space. One time I was standing against the wall of the train facing the people. Now the train was really cramped so I can't scream foul for every BODY that brushed against mine. If I didn't want to be inconvenienced, I should have taken a cab, right? But going back... there was this guy who stood in front of me, and really faced me! And it was such that he literally bumped into my body completely everytime the train shook. Note that during this time, and that time at the cinema, I was NOT wearing anything suggestive. For heaven's sake I was wearing a plain brown non-fit T-shirt and jeans during this train ride. At that point I didn't take offense yet. Then he got bolder and put one of his arms folded in front of him so he was literally brushing his arm on my boobs! I grabbed my bag and used it to cover my front part. Then the train stopped at Cubao Station and guess what the guy did. He tried to drag me out of the fucking train.

What the hell is wrong with people!? There is a place to pick up girls and it is NOT at the cinema. And definitely not inside a freaking MRT car!!!

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..looking at the first picture I posted, made me cry.. I miss him.. I miss my safest place..

Dad had 6 of his teeth pulled out. OUCH. and now he's like a baby, to my mom atleast.

My youngest brother whom I call "Bab", short for baby baboy, told best bud that he was looking for work to save up for Christmas gives. I was..mad. Why didn't he tell me instead?? I'm like.. I was the one who practically raised him!! An he's keeping secrets to me na. Now I just yelled at bestbud and he's trying to look for MadTV videos to calm me down. As I'm doing this entry.

What will you do if someone tells you: Your mom was in escort service.

I passed by the kitchen and the maid was watching ShowTime. I did not recognize Keana Reeves. I was like, si keana na yan?? And it got me thinking that the woman deserves admiration. Judging from what she's been through, she's pretty tough and an epitome of character. Well, yes she slipped and did some shitty things pero I can't blame her. People will always find the easiest way to survive, specially if they are also responsible for feeding thier loved ones. So there, I wanna give her credit for being brave and facing the public inspite of her mistakes before. I'm sure alot of people will raise eyebrows on her. A lot of people don't understand and are self-righteous enough to condemn her, but to me, she's just being realistic. I mean, wouldn't you use the only asset you have to your advantage? Models got their heights, singers their voices, agents their brains (nyahaha!), so she used her, uh, scientifically enhanced body. And I've heard some say that she did a great jod at PBB before, being so so true and sincere. She also changed her ways, after given an opportunity. I wish more of us will be like that. I'm glad to meet people here who are showing their true colors. Though somehow, I hope we all don't have to hide in here, someday, we can just show the world who we are and not be afraid, of their judging looks, their stupid narrow minds and one way impressions.

Morality. Good conduct. If a poor, illiterate girl sells her body to feed her family, is she immoral? But isn't it for a good cause? Society will tag her as pokpok. But when a society-page, elitista girl, sleeps with different guys every night, she's just seen as sexually active and liberated. Where's morality? See what society creates? And now, there's us. This population, who would rather change names and settle for friends without faces, because atleast in here, we don't have to hide our emotions, our truest self. We won't be afraid to speak up. Our secrecy is our freedom. 

Wow. All these because of cosmetic surgery. tsk. (makes sense?)

Music :: Kokomo
Mood :: hot

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This is just my opinion, okay?

If you get into a relationship with someone who's already committed to someone else, then there's always that break up looming ahead, right? My take on that is this: that if my partner who is committed to someone decides to end things with me (1) to be with his girl or (2) for any other reason, then I should bite the bullet and let him go. Even if it hurts. Consequently, if I should wish to remove myself from the relationship because (1) I've found someone for myself, or (2) I just want to stop being the other woman, then the guy should also let me go, even if it hurts.

So why does #2 keep bugging me to come back and be with him again? I think he is being unfair...

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After all that's said and done...

You finally said: "Are you still mad at me?"

I said: " I'm not really mad at you, I just can't be."

You said: "Can we be friends again?"

I said: "Sure. "

Then you said: "I can feel our friendship will be better. I'm just not ready, yet."

~ F*KC! I hate myself... so much. For feeling this way towards you, for even fantasizing about that flirty "I'm just not ready, yet" line you threw at my face, for thinking that one day, you'll wake up and realize that the girl that you're looking for is me. I soo effin' hate myself for this, and yet, I don't understand why I keep on logging onto FB and hoping against all hope that you'd be online so we can talk.

I need a hug. *wipes tears*

Mood :: confused

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Ever since I was in elementary, I've always liked hanging out with my guy friends a tiny bit more than with my girl friends. I like being one of the boys. I like that boys have a lot less drama. And I especially like that my guy friends don't treat me differently "because I happen to be a girl". I am their  friend--no gender biases there.

Here are my best  guy friends, some of whom I've lost touch with, temporarily I hope, because of distance. But I am sure then when we meet again, it's be as if we were never separated from each other. This is friendship, guy style.

My favorite guy friends:

1. WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER EVEN BEFORE WE KNEW OURSELVES: Two  guys who were my classmates the whole 6 years in elementary, and with whom I had gone to the same the same high school. They didn't need to be invited to come to my house on my birthday, even if it's during the holidays, and people don't usually go to other people's houses on those days, they always went out of their way to visit me on my special day, even if it's a good hour away from the city. Also, if they were hungry and had already used up their allowance, they'd come to me. I did the same to them. On family days at school and I had no "family" to be with, their families "adopted" me so I wasn't "the poor girl who had no family on family day". They were better at grasping math concepts than I was so they "tutored" me. But I was better at studying and always got better grades. They never hated me for that, and still helped me with stuff I hated, like physics! And whenever exam time came, they'd sit next to me and I let them copy my paper. We all got good grades and were happy. There was this guy I really liked in high school. He and I were close, too, but he had a girlfriend. I never told anyone about my feelings for that guy, but somehow these two guy friends found out, and they'd always cheer me up when they knew I was down. When we were in college one of these two guys tried to court me, but I said I preferred to be just friends. We're still friends now.

2. INTERNET FRIENDSHIP COME TO LIFE: A guy I met over the Internet almost 10 years ago turns out to be a good friend, even until now!  We come from the same province so when we were still there, he came to my house a few times to just talk and watch TV. He has a girlfriend of 6 years who went to the same elementary and high school with me. She's one batch ahead of me. We're not really friends but she's cool and I like that she's not a jealous girlfriend. Even when she's in another country, she doesn't get mad that my friend and I go out sometimes to eat. Or that I he invites me to his place to watch movies. In fact, she prefers that I go out with him more than his other friends. I guess she knows very well that he's "safe" with me. He and I can talk for hours  about whatever, and in a mix of English, Filipino, and our native dialect which is so super cool.

3. I CAN DEAL WITH A "PERVERTED" MIND: My best college guy friend. He calls me "pare" so I was assured that in his eyes, I was a guy. And that worked out really well because for the whole 5 years of college, we were very close and there was never any awkwardness. His family knew me well, and his parents and I always have a good talk whenever I slept over. Even when I was with him, he had no qualms about buying porn and "scandals". He even lent me the good ones, and I did watch them LOL. There were times he had girlfriends and he'd always introduce them to me. One time he had a relationship with a girl his family didn't approve of. I was their medium of communication. Sometimes in his car I'd see gas receipts from Sta. Mesa and I asked, "How the hell did you get to Sta. Mesa when you live in freakin' Paranaque?" "Pare, alam mo na yun," was his answer. Hahaha. It always gave me a good laugh, and I'm laughing now as I remember those many, many instances. When he had plans to do something "illegal" with someone, he'd tell me that his mom was going to check up on him and I was supposed to tell her that her son was with studying with me. So I always covered up for him. My only request was for him to never, ever get anyone pregnant. He was the only one who knew I was having a relationship with a married guy. I can't remember exactly what he said. But it was something short, like, "Pare, ingat lang ha." When I was in the worst time of my life, and was close to being homeless, he was the only person I ran to and he told me I could live in their house. I refused and instead got a small, dark, dingy room in a rotten place. He helped me move and visited me from time to time to check if I was doing fine. Unfortunately, I've lost touch with him. He's in the US now, but I'm going to find this motherf***** and castigate him for not telling me.  :D :D

===oOo===

There was only one guy friend with whom I did something "crazy" because, well, he really asked for it and we both knew it was just a one time and no strings attached thing. When he was still in Manila we'd meet occasionally (something like twice a year, really, thanks  to busy schedules)to have dinner and catch up. It was just that one time when he was about to go home to our province that the crazy thing happened. :D Anyway, he and I are still good friends, and we still act like nothing happened. In fact, we're  looking forward to meeting again after 2 years(?) when I go home this December.  No crazy stuff, this time. :p Oh, so I'll make this guy #6.

**This is my third post for the day because I am very happy today. Happy enough to be reminiscing old times, old friends, and many other nice and positive things. This has been  a super day for me!

Music :: Dance with the Devil by Breaking Benjamin

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Can girls like someone or have a crush on someone harmlessly? Yes, we can, unfortunately, not all of us can. A harmless crush is a fun thing, when you can quietly giggle when your crush walks by, or blush when he says something nice. The good thing about a harmless crush is the absence of expectations. It could be because the guy is already committed, or you think he's  out of your league, or simply because what you have is just a crush and you have no fantasies of living life happily ever after with this man. It's all good, really, because the absence of expectations makes you free from disappointment or worse, a broken heart. There are no complicated scenarios of feeling like having unrequited love (which is terrible), which could lead to depression and who-knows-what-else.

Are you capable of this? 'Cause I am, and I think this is what makes me happy, so happy!

I can remember many of these harmless crushes, and I do still have a lot of them, and I always remember them fondly, without that needle pricking my heart or something.

I can't write down about every one of them, but here are some of my "favorite" crushes.

(1) When I was a student, I had a harmless crush on this professor. He was not my professor, but I knew him. He didn't know I existed, I think, but that just made it better! :D Everytime I needed inspiration to study, and everytime I had an exam in or near that building, I'd casually walk by his office. Whenever I saw him, I felt so happy and ready to conquer the world. Guess what, I aced all those subjects. He's still working there, and I hope another student can have another harmless crush on him and have him as an effective lucky charm!

(2) I had a harmless crush on my team leader when I was still working in a call center. Guess what, I was never absent, or late (partly because it's not in my nature to come in late for work, and partly because of him) and I always performed well because I wanted to hear him say "Good job!" :D :D And every time my TL requested some of us to do overtime, and I didn't have anything planned for the day, I volunteered because I knew how finding someone willing was really difficult. I was living alone at that time so I volunteered to come in at Christmas and New Year, too. I hit many birds with one stone (1) I didn't have to spend the holidays alone, (2) I was with my cute manager, (3) the food at the office was super, and we were allowed to eat at our workstations!, (4) I earned a lot, thanks to holiday pay. haha! I really loved what I was doing; I was part of an excellent team, and had an amazing superhuman manager whom I had a big crush on. Why wouldn't I go to work everyday?


I still have crushes now, and will continue to have them. I never tell anyone about it so I never get teased. But I get all the fun

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If you deserve it, like you really are doing something, then you can't complain, right? But when it's baseless and springs from mere paranoia, yay, it could get ugly.

I know of someone who was so paranoid about her boyfriend possibly exchanging e-mails and chatting with girls. The guy was friendly, but he was devoted to her he wouldn't do anything to betray her trust. The woman, wanting to have concrete evidence, bought software that records all the keystrokes you make.

How does it work? According to the guy's sibling, this program records every key you press on the keyboard, and then sends the report to the woman's email address. Initially she didn't have access to his email account. But thanks to the program, she was able to gain access to all his accounts--email, networking, and what-have-you.

The guy was exchanging emails with ex-girlfriends (yes, plural form,), but not with the purpose of rekindling the fire, or anything. It was just for friendship's sake(really!). But she was so jealous that she she couldn't help confronting him and accidentally mentioning the contents of the emails. That was how he realized she had somehow gained access to his email. He defended himself, by telling her matter-of-factly that really, the emails didn't mean anything. But she wouldn't believe him.

The guy asked his techie sibling to help him figure out how she could get all this information. (I can't tell you how he did it, suffice it is to say that he did find out that he had installed that program.) Sibling told brother about the program and as expected, it infuriated him.

Many other things happen which led to one thing--a bad break-up. And another kid with a broken home.

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tsk tsk. didn't realize how stupid and careless i've been til i checked my gallery. whew. hope it's not too late.

Mood :: wants to set someone on fire

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